Does your marketing material reflect the money I might invest?

Yesterday I spoke with an ad rep for a major Australian cinema chain regarding a 12-week advertising run in a major Australian city. After a chat the rep has sent through the proposal.
And what a bunch of crap it is! How do these people sell any advertising?!
Firstly, the emailed proposal spells my company name wrong. And then on the next page it spells it wrong again – this time is a different spelling mistake.
And the proposal – 1 page – almost no information other than the rates. There is nothing here that positions this chain as anything other than second rate with appalling customer service skills.
The proposal gives me the number of screens, number of ads shown, any inclusions and the price. Under ‘Additional information’ I have this:
Admissions: 896,000 for 02/03 (latest figures although there was an increase last year)
What a waste of an opportunity to demonstrate how the cinema advertising could meet my needs. That needs to be something like this:
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Viewers;
The cinema attracted 896,000 paying viewers for the financial year 2002/03. The admission numbers for the 6 months ending December 31, 2003 have increased a healthy 6% on the same time last year. At current growth rates we anticipate just under 950,000 into the cinema for the year. (Have up to the minute information!)
For the dates you have mentioned as being appropriate for your client our statistics indicate your ad would be viewed by 250,000 people. Our forecast demographic information for this period is blah, blah and blah.
Interestingly, the upcoming releases will appeal to the same demographic that you identified as your market. Further to that, we have some ideas already on how you could leverage your investment to gain the greatest exposure possible.
This could include:
* Provide you with A4 & A2 size posters of your ad (you can use these for general advertising/display – build a strong connection)
* A trade night where you and 30 guests/customers come along to a complimentary movie (with reserved parking, enjoy wine and food prior to the start, and complimentary popcorn and Coke!
* 30 free tickets for you to dsitribute as prizes in the business
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Basically, tell me how my significant investment will provide me with the benefits that you know it can. And then quantify those benefits.
The only other bit in the proposal was this:
Additional Artwork and Voice Over: $1,045
Don’t tell the prospect the cost until you demonstrate the benefits and value he will receive. Try something like this:
Brendon, as you are aware, quality creative results in more recognition and sales to you. Our highly experience team (they have over 52 years experience in cinema advertising alone) thrive on the challenge of producing outstanding creative to meet your exact needs and generate recognition and sales.
David Smith is widely acknowledge as one of the best voice-over men in Sydney and his voice would provide a nice fit with your target market. Barry Jones’ is a brilliant copywriter who has worked on campaigns with Telstra, Tailored Consulting (!!) and Coles Myer. Our research of the unprompted recall of Barry’s work is consistently above that of the competition and we can tie that back to about a 20% increase in sales.
This expertise is available exclusively to our clients. Of course we tailor the package to meet your exact needs – to give you a ballpark figure $1,045 is the average spend on creative.
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If you are selling a big ticket item – such as web sites – then give the prospect the information he needs to make a decision. The bigger the price the more information.
Regards
Brendon